my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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