i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
