i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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