Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
