I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
