I've blown a few things in my day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
