I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
