you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
