I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
