If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
