i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
