Please, let me fuck your mom
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
