i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
