So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
