I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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