duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
