Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
