I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
