well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
