The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
