Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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