ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
