On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
