so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
