new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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