hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
