We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
