She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
