you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
