I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
