I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
