you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
