Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
