I should be sponsored by Trojan
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
