I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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