On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
