I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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