i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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