You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
