i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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