The maid of honor just puked.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
