I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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