she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
