were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
