Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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