I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
