It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
