Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i came on her dog
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
third nipple confirmed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
