Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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