Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
