It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
