I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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