the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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